Children ....

I was looking through my notebook and photos this morning from the trip. I'd written notes about the afternoon we went to the school in Cite`Soleil, and how the children swarmed around me. They wanted to touch my clothes, my camera, to make eye contact. They giggled and pointed and smiled in glee as I snapped photos of them and instantly shared them - how often did they ever see themselves? Seems mirrors aren't too prevalent in a tent city. They were "sweetly respectful" I had written in my notes, "curious but never intrusive. It was like they were in awe of me; that I represented something to them. I'm not sure I deserved that ..."

That is not an unusual reaction to a white person in a country like Haiti, I'm well aware of that. But my mature older self had a flashback to my 13 year old self in the Philippine's. I remember the same reaction there, walking the streets of Angeles City outside of Clark AFB. What a sad and depressive environment that was; such a stark contrast to where I came from. They were a bit more jaded there however and oddly I have rememberances of feeling unsettled and a bit threatened. That could have been related to my age at the time and the fact that it was my first exposure to that kind of poverty - that world. But I still come back also to the fact that there is something about ... the Haitian people.

A white ("blan" as they say in Haiti) person obviously represents to them - as it also did to those children in the Philippines - something to be in awe of.

I do indeed have to question whether I'm worthy of that.

This trip has me coming home acutely aware of the excess in my world; uncomfortable somewhat because if one is lucky enough to live relatively without want in the U.S., life doesn't ask us to dwell on that excess - it asks us to revel in it. Advertising implores us to acquire more this more that; speaks to our egos and salves our conscious with rationals that aren't really valid in the end, but echo sufficiently in the beginning to walk us easily down the material path of life fullfillment. It's like that from childhood on. And that all works fairly fine ... until you get exposed to the other extreme and you have any sense of empathy at all. Then you kind of start to squirm a little like I am.

I'm not advocating give it all up and living a life of austerity and service - that's for saints and I'm far from one. But I am saying - seems there has to be a better balance. Is it just luck of the draw that I live the life I do? Certainly there have been life choices, hard work, discipline that have all played over the years into my circumstances now. But I can't avoid the fact that I was born into a comfortably off middle class family in the United States. And these kids swarming me in Cite` Soleil certainly were not.

I can't change their world for them. Ultimately only they as the future generation of Haiti can make the kind of meaningful, at the core of their country changes that can shape the world their children will grow up in.

But they - like impoverished children the world over - need to somehow be empowered; given some hope.

And I - we - can do little things to maybe help toward that end at least for the children of Haiti.

I can tell you I think I need to be in awe of the spirit I saw in the Haitian people on this trip, in awe of their dignity I mention often because it was so apparent; in awe of their graciousness and humor and strength in the face of such incredible sorrow and adversity. I can read their history and gain respect for it and how it has shaped the world they live in now - how it is going to continue to shape their desire for a better future.

Lets all see the connection with doing small things that might help some children in Haiti. And like the butterfly effect, perhaps those small things could have a larger overall impact. Especially if offered by enough people ... in the right way for the right reasons.

I think it will be a good thing as I continue to process this trip for me to be in awe of those kids, as opposed to letting it be the other way around.

(These were children at the fresh water spring at Souce Zabete; an uplifting image after seeing all the dirty water in Port au Prince ...)